Sunday, March 19, 2017

A break

Hello Pals,

Hope you are all well. Appologies for the late blog, but I've been away on a small break at the doggy hotel together with Paige, Avril and Leia. It was an enjoyable week, and much needed, dare I say. I managed to relax and got away from my chores. I still had to look after the girls but at least I didn't have to take care of the mini human.

I got to know through the grapevine that the humans also went away, and by the smell on their clothes, it seems like they've been unfaithful again. I could smell hundreds, maybe thousands of different dogs on their clothes, and what confirmed it was the number of presents they got us. You know how it is with humans... first they are unfaithful then they buy you loads of presents so you forgive them.... and forgive them I did. They got me new
drinking bowls, 4 designer leads, 4 designer balls and 4 nylabones, loads of grooming products and new brushes. Since they didn't get anything for the girls I figured I'd share with them so they wouldn't feel left out, so now we have one each of each item. How cool is that! 

In the meantime whilst I enjoyed my break, it's good to be back home and have the humans back. Nobody prepares food like they do and while the doggy hotel was cool, it's great to be back in the fields. Unfortunately they still haven't homed the mini-human. Still hoping the perfect home comes up for him, but in the mean time he can stay here. I will continue to look after him to ease some of the burden off the humans. I do appreciate the effort they are doing to home him. I am pretty sure that the main purpose of their visit was to try and find him a good home, hence why they didn't leave him with us at the doggy hotel, but I guess that didn't work out too well. Oh well hopefully something will come up.

Anyway pals, I am off to sleep. I am dead tired. Nighty night, sweet dreams

Love Curtis

Friday, February 24, 2017

It's Carnival on the Island... and some other parts of the World

Hello Pals,

Isn't it exciting? It's Carnival! Yey! "What is Carnival?" I hear some of you asking. Carnival is that time of the year when humans eat loads of sweets and meats, and also have loads of left over sweets and meats which half the time they forget on the table within my reach and which fall accidentally into my mouth. What's even better is that it lasts for four days and at the end of it, any meat that's left (not consumed by humans, and not 'accidentally' consumed by us) goes to us.

Humans sure are a funny species. Apparently they have this event whereby they fast for forty days from sweets. They say it's for religious purposes... I am not sure who they are actually fooling and who actually believes it. I have a feeling it's one of those things they say but don't even believe themselves. We all know why they fast from sweets for 40 days. By the end of the 40 days Summer
will be very close, and in summer most humans shed their coat and wear tiny tiny clothes. Fasting for 40 days usually helps them get into those tiny tiny clothes because they would have lost weight and supposedly look better!This time of the year also has it's very own sweets, you know the sort of thing you only eat during that time. Right now my human is doing something called 'prinjolata', I am helping her out by cleaning all the crumbs from the floor. I have also developed a doggy version. Recipe attached is of the human version, PM me for the doggy version.

Anyway, during this time they also wear funny clothing. Sometimes they even dress the dogs. Thank doG the human has her own mini-human to dress up. It saves us all the hassle. If there is something I hate, it's humans dressing me up. I don't mind putting a Bow-tie to raise up to an occasion or occasionally a hat, but I find it ridiculous when humans dress canines up! I saw pretty horrible costumes online of dressed dogs and I can honestly say I feel sorry for them. Once again... I am so so glad SHE has the mini-human to dress up, as otherwise I am sure she wouldn't hesitate to dress us up. It has happened a few times if you remember my early posts.

Anyway pals, I am off. It is getting rather late, and I am rather tired.

Speak soon,

Love Curtis

Sunday, February 19, 2017

Sicky week!

Hello Pals,

Hope you are all well. A very late blog this week, and not much to report. I have simply been too busy. I had to take some time off from work to sort things out here at home and I am now exhausted. It's been a tough week. Everyone at home has been ill. First it was the big humans, so  I had to look after the mini human and keep him entertained so the humans could stay in bed and sleep all day, so they could get better soon. Then as soon as the big humans got better, the mini human himself got ill, and he has been ill all week. Sooooo... I had to take care of him which was extra difficult because I couldn't even take him out for a walk, and those who have mini humans in the house know how cranky they get when they are ill and how more demanding they become. So I have been inventing all sorts of games to play with him, which I must say have worked, but none the less have left me exhausted.

On top of that I had to deal with Leia hitting puberty, her flirting and the trail of boyfriends queuing behind the door to get to her. Therefore, being the father figure in her life (even though I AM NOT her sire), I have had to tell each and everyone of them that she most certainly is NOT AVAILABLE, and of course I had to scare them all away... and clean up after them so the neighbor wouldn't complain.

Anyway, my dear friends, I have to be off. The mini human is waking up and I have to be by his side. Hope you have a good week, and speak soon

Love Curtis

Thursday, February 9, 2017

Attention Canis lupus familiaris: The World Needs OUR help

Dear Pals,

I hope you are all well. I need to let you in on something that the K9-PW (Canines for the Protection of the World) has been investigating since last July, and we need your help... The humans need our help... THE WORLD NEEDS OUR HELP. We are being attacked! The WORLD is under attack. What we are not sure is if it is from this Universe or from a parallel Universe.

We are not sure how long these creatures have been around, what we do know is that an application, which can be downloaded on phones has been developed to track them down. This application allows you to see them and catch them. Humans being the primitive creatures they are think it is all a game, but my dear friends, it is anything but a game.

These creatures are EVERYWHERE... in the streets, in our houses, in our kennels, even on our beds! I even spotted one in the babies crib and quite a few in the President's garden. They call themselves Pokemon, and there are many many many subspecies. In fact, several look like some animals and creatures found on our planet, that is why we are suspecting they come from a parallel universe rather than another planet. What is scary is that these creatures can survive in ANY habitat. For example, creatures that look very similar to our fish can survive OUTSIDE water, on grasslands, even in the streets. Anyway, my friend Niantic, who is the chairdog of the K9-PW has developed this application which can be downloaded on most devices which have a GPS and an internet
connection. He is so clever, he disguised it as a game, so humans can help us in catching these beings and transferring them to THE professor who then takes care of them. Humans catch them randomly, and initially it was working, but many have stopped playing the 'game'. So it is time for us to step in. We are recruiting all the long coated canines in the world who would like to help out. We are distributing collars with a little device on it, which allows us to see, catch and most importantly dispose of these creatures. The device is small enough to be hidden in the coats. Short coated dogs do not despair, we are working on an even smaller version you can use. In the meantime, use your human's phones during the night or when they are not looking, but make sure you attach them to a power source while using them or afterwards, as these creatures can drain a phone battery in minutes! The collar devices are powered by carbon dioxide, so all you have to do is pant, and they will power themselves. You need not worry. The device is so easy to use, even Leia manages to use it, and yes she has been recruited by the K9-PW for this special assignment along side Avril. They are Agent ASD002 and Agent ASD003. Paige is Agent ASD004, however, she is not on the outside and has been especially assigned to take care of the human baby, and make sure no harm comes to him by these creatures.

If you have any suggestions, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE get in touch. We are on top of this, but suggestions are always welcome.

Love Curtis

Monday, January 30, 2017

A successful weekend for Leia... and MORE treats for ME!

Hello Pals,

Hope you are all well. Things are good here, and the excitement is quieting down. Apparently it was a good weekend for Paige's offsprings, both locally and abroad. 'Baby Heavy', who, word has it, isn't a baby anymore and is now four years old is officially an International Champion and apparently a Slovenian Championship has also been added to her never ending list of titles. The human was super excited about it all...!!! Personally, I don't really see what the fuss is all about, but... if the human is happy, everyone is happy... You know what it's like with women (.... and bitches!!)

Anyway.... What I am really excited about is Leia's first point towards her Maltese Championship. In fact I have appointed my self as her personal trainer. I have developed a training programme for her,
Leia doing her stuff in the ring
which I am going to make sure she follows to the letter. Just like I did with Paige. She needs to win win win and win even more.... and do you know why? BECAUSE...Every time she does well, she gets SPECIAL TREATS for dinner.... and because the human is so sweet, she gives the rest of the crew SPECIAL TREATS for dinner, because she does not want us to feel left out. So as the math goes, the more Leia wins, the more special treats I..... I mean we ... I mean Leia... gets!!! So as of last Sunday I have started to make sure she does not over eat by eating any treats she steals myself. I am doing this to make sure she does not gain weight of course, no other reason. I am also waking the human up early to make sure she gets to take her for a walk and some exercise before going to work. According to extensive research conducted by self through several sources online, these are the perfect ingredients to condition a show dog. I need to dig up my old notes and see how I used to condition Paige, she was after all a very successful show girl before her retirement. Perhaps discussing it with her, won't be such a bad idea and I might as well use some of my old contacts and see what they come up with.

Well folks, I need to be off. More research awaits me.

Speak soon


Wednesday, January 25, 2017

Making friends with food

Hello Pals,

Hope you are all well. I am sitting here wondering. Wondering. Wondering what is it with Paige's kids and their intelligence! I mean it gets from bad to worse, no matter how many documentaries I show the on Discovery Channel and National Geographic of lioness and other animals hunting down their pray, they still don't get it.

Leia went for a long walk with one of my humans and came back all happy happy and excited about her new friends Gertrude and Blackie and her other friends Cyril and Gail and their clan. I was
watching TV and wasn't really paying attention to what she was saying. She kept on blablabing and saying how cool they were and how Blackie swam in the pond. I didn't think much about it at first to be honest, and thought they were a bunch of Chihuahuas. She has all sorts of weird friends. Then, she said something about Gertrude sitting on eggs.... Sitting on eggs?! Who on earth sits on eggs? I found the whole thing puzzling but didn't say anything. I assumed that being Leia, she must have misinterpreted a game her friends were playing or something... Until my human left her phone laying around and I decided to take a peek.

Oh how I wish I could unsee what I've seen. To say I am shocked is an understatement. I have never in my life seen anything so horrific, disgusting... I am lost for words! To say I am shocked is an understatement. Gertrude and Blackie are swans... or ducks ... or whatever (I am not very technical with birds and their subspecies) and Cyril and Gail and their clan are peacocks and peahens. My doG Leia! How many times do I have to tell
you not to play with your food much less make friends with it! Geeze! She made friends with MY favorite dish. Do I laugh or cry? Do I despair? For some reason or another, she (or Paige for that matter!) cannot get it into their pea sized brain that POULTRY IS FOOD. You hunt it down and bring it home so the human can feed it to us. YOU DO NOT MAKE FRIENDS WITH IT. After today, I guess it is safe to say it is time to give up on my life long dream of living like the lions of the Savannah whereby their lionesses hunt down pray and bring it to them. My 'lionesses' insist on making friends with my food!

Off for a nap my friends. I need to rest after this. Until next time,

Love Curtis

Thursday, January 19, 2017

A 3.5 year update

Hello Old Pals,

It's been years since I posted on this blog, but things haven't been easy around here. All sorts of things have happened, and well in between juggling home security duties and bringing up Paige's kids I barely have enough time to play with my Kong, never mind spend time online. To top it all off, my humans have decided to make their own mini human, and guess who takes care of him, keeps him entertained and makes sure Paige's kids from hell don't hurt him? Yep.... ME!!! And.... I can assure you it is NOT an easy job.

I guess I should be updating you on what happened in the past three and half years. Where do I start? Hmmm... I think the best thing would be to write it in point form first then say something about each point.... ok... here it goes...

  • Failed business venture
  • Obedience Titles
  • MY mentee is a CHAMPION 
  • More titles for Paige
  • The Singleton
  • Kung Fu Panda
  • Another Singleton (Thank doG it's just one!)
  • Another lot of terrorist
  • The future of Edenisle
  • Paige's Veteran Career and My modeling career
Wow! Ok!!!! Brace yourselves pals... This is going to be a looooooong blog!

Perhaps my biggest disappointment was indeed my Failed business venture. In my last blog I had talked about a business venture involving my mentee, Avril. Well... it turns out she is as dumb as her mother, all looks and no brains. Just to refresh your memory a bit, I had mastered a plan whereby people would pay to get a kiss from her. With payment, I meant cash... as in euros... sterling... dollars... Japanese Yen if need but I certainly did not mean treats! Treats as in FOOD! The plan worked to the letter, but there was a hick up which blew my plan to own land. Avril chose sausages over cash payment. I mean, seriously? How am I going to pay for a piece of land with sausages? I guess she's a Paige daughter.... ENOUGH SAID! 

Avril and her class... Photo Montage? 
Now I don't know if the humans heard about Avril exchanging kisses for sausages instead of cash or if she (or her mother!) did something even more stupid but they decided to take both of them to obedience classes in an attempt to make them smarter. *Cough cough* Well apparently both of them excelled at it and made to obtaining the highest grades in their class, and both of them obtained Obedience titles. Yeah right! Highest grades in class my butt! I'm sure there is an explanation for that! They either bribed the instructor, and believe me both of them know how to bribe or they gave him the sweet eye and the cute wiggly butt they do... or another plausible reason could be that they were the only ones in their respective classes! That would make perfect sense.... although in all fairness, Avril did show me photographic evidence that she was not alone in her class. Then again, I had thought her how to use photoshop, and a photo montage could very well explain that! 

Avril and one of her podium wins
Brains or no brains, there is no denying that Avril was always a looker. Well after some instructions from myself on how to behave in the show ring, the humans decided to take her abroad to obtain her champion title. Well guess what? She did it on her first attempt. Avril, by now nick named cockroach, because you can find her virtually anywhere, became a champion. Can you believe it? MY mentee is a CHAMPION!!!!!

The Singleton
Paige's showing career continued and she earned a couple of titles more, but was officially retired as soon as Avril started her showing career. Apparently, whilst on one of her many trips, she fell in love with this American dude living in Poland. Now I haven't met the guy, or seen him on photos for that matter because Paige decided to keep the whole affair a secret, but she came back pregnant. At least she was sensible this time, and made sure she only had a singleton. For some reason, the humans refer to him as THE SINGLETON or Solitaire. My human and him had quite an extensive career in obedience, and apparently he was even better than my self... which is saying A LOT. He lived with us for a year or so, and then moved to grandad's house so he
could be his companion together with Coop, and thank doG for that as I couldn't deal with having another of Paige's offspring in the house no matter how smart he is!

Whilst having fun with the singleton in obedience, my male human must have neglected my female human. I am not sure if it was the lack of walks or the chocolates that did it, but she proceeded to gain A LOT of weight. I cannot make up my mind if she looked more like KUNG FU PANDA or the Michelin man but she grew A LOT. Paige said she recognised the behavior and said she was probably expecting a litter, which made a lot of sense. To be honest, I was sure it was going to be a large litter, my guess was eight or ten and usually I am quite good with guessing litter numbers, but surprise surprise it was just one... and guess what? They decided to keep him!!!! This house was
The Mini Human
really getting small... I mean... three of us, the original two humans... and now a mini human. I  tried to make them understand that cute mini humans eventually grow up to be BIG humans, and that with humans they normally stay home for a lot longer than puppies, that you have to feed them, play with them and potty train them and all that stuff but darn they don't speak 'doggy' so they couldn't understand what I was saying. Darn humans! I'm sure they are going to regret keeping him once they figure out what hard work mini humans are, and I am so disappointed in them for not researching what bringing up a mini human involves. 

The Future of Edenisle
As if it was not enough that I was bringing up Avril (and the mini human of course!), Paige sneaked away to Poland again for yet another affair with her American dude. Rumor has it he is quite a playdog  and has girls all over Europe, so I really have no idea what she sees in him. Anyway... surprise surprise... she came back pregnant again. Hello Contraceptives anyone???! Naturally, a couple of months later she gave birth to another lot of terrorists, this time four. Guess who took care of them AGAIN? .... Indeed I did! It seems that the humans decided I did not have enough on my paws already... that taking care of Avril, the mini human, to a certain extent Paige, guarding our lair and protecting the world from all sources of evil were not enough. They decided to keep another little terrorist from this litter.... another blue girl which everyone calls Leia! Apparently she is the new hope,  the future of Edenisle. DoG please be with us! I must admit that in spite of everything, I quite like the little bugger, and my sources tell me she is quite something in the show ring. She has come home with a rosette every time she went to a show, so maybe, just maybe, she's as good as they say. I need to visit a show one of these days I guess and see for my self.

Forever shining star
Leia is Edenisle's future, but apparently Paige will forever be Edenisle's shinning star. She was entered in a two day show in Veteran Class. Not only did she win BEST VETERAN IN SHOW on both days, but she also won the breed and a GROUP 1 at 7 years of age!! What a start to her Veteran career. Well, I guess you're never too old to shine again, and that goes for me as well! Recently, my
friends, I had a photo session and weren't my humans impressed. At eight years old I still look as good as I did in my prime. World look and learn how to age with grace!!! With that in mind, I decided to give modeling a try, so I sent a couple of my photos off for a calendar competition, and guess what, not only did I make it as a calendar boy, I made it as a cover boy! Now that Paige's kids are old enough to fend for themselves
Calendar Boy
and I have a little bit of free time on my hands I can finally focus on being the Richard Gere of the Canine World. I'm sure I could do it professionally and earn a living out of it if I wanted to, but I still need to give my humans a hand in bringing up their mini human, guard the house and watch over the world, so my time is limited. I am sure however that the little I'll do in my spare time will go a long way!

My friends, I need to stop here for today. It's late at night and I still have loads of tasks to do. I promise to keep in touch. Watch this space from more updates from our life!

Love Curtis