Thursday, December 20, 2012

Attention: 'The End of the World has been postponed!'

Dear Pals,

You can all sit in your seats tonight and relax. Fear not, cos the end is not near yet.  The world has been saved... by myself of course. I made it a point that the puppies that were meant to be born today were born two days ago, thus my friends, interfering with the Mayan prophecy! It stands to reason therefore that the end of the World has yet again been postponed.  Good job I intervened when I did because Paige was not harbouring 5 terrorists but 10! Yes! I guess they believe in strength in numbers and decided to team up together and dispatch 2 terrorist per human populated continent rather than one.

Anyway, since they were not born today you can all rest assured that these little gremlins are perfectly normal cute little puppies who are constantly drinking or sleeping, just like normal puppies do. HOWEVER, since looks can be deceiving (and we all know where that led me to with Paige when she was a cute little innocent being!) AND just to make sure nothing happens, AND just to make sure they have no 'Plan B' AND of course just to put all of your minds at rest, I will keep watch over them tonight. Make sure none of them manage to shape shift into anything alien, and I will make sure none of them leave this house tonight!!! I feel it is my job to protect this planet and all life over it (except cats of course!)

Anyway pals, I am off to watch the puppies make sure they are really cute little puppies... and nothing more,

Speak soon

Love Curtis

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

The End of the World...

The picture on the right is the reason why the Mayan Calendar stopped on the 20th December 2012. Do you know what that is? It is an ultrasound of a canine uterus... but not just any canine uterus, it's Paige's... and it has 5 little terrorists in it... or so the humans say.

My sister is unknowingly harbouring terrorists inside her. I have no idea how they got in there or how they will get out, but the humans say they are due on the 20th December 2012... and that's it... that is the date the Mayan Calendar stopped. I cannot believe it and what's worse is that the humans are happy about it. I have given up trying to understand that race.

Just to recap: My humans are happy because my sister has 5 terrorists inside her and will come out on the 20th December 2012, the day their (and my!) world ends. Which stands to reason that it will be them who end it, and of course it makes perfect sense... 5 Terrorist, 5 Continents inhabited by humans... 1 for each continent.  Why are they happy? What am I missing?

Grrrrr... I give up. I must go and do some research & find out if Paige or Cash know anything about this. If not I need to study the stars and see if there are any answers up there.

Good Day Pals,

Love Curtis

Sunday, October 21, 2012

Grrrrrrrrr... !

Hello Pals,

Have you read the Sunday paper today? There was a magazine with it and Paige and her new boy friend were on it! I am still in a complete state of shock... horrified to say the least. Can you believe that there was an article on Australian Shepherds and I was not featured in it? I knew about the article, so as soon as my humans bought the paper I went to look for it and you can imagine my horror when I saw their pictures and not mine! To add insult to injury, as soon as I switched the TV on, I see my human with Cash on it! Who does he think he is ? Jonny Cash?! And how did they do it? Who invited them? Who featured them? This warrants an investigation in its self!

Thinking about it, I think I might just know how they did it. Cash and I have been getting on really well lately. We have become best friends, so much so that Paige has been getting jealous. We play all the time, and she gets left out. What do you expect? She's a girl, she doesn't like the same sort of stuff we do. I am sure Paige found my invitation to appear on Television and on the magazine, emailed them in my name and let them know that her self and Cash would be featuring on the magazine instead of me as I would be away on vacation. They asked her to send pictures of us all, and she sent in two of hers and one of Cash's. I am sure she then emailed the television crew and did the same,  but they told her they only needed one dog and it had to be a male, so she was left with no option but to send Cash. Either that or she sent Cash on purpose so I would suspect it was him, get jealous and break off our friendship. I cannot believe she is jealous of her own boyfriend and myself! Girls are incredible. Well little bug, I need to inform you that Cash and my self are the best of friends and we will remain so. Try another plan girl!

In the mean time, I think I might have discovered why the world will end on the 20th December 2012... I need to confirm some facts and will post them on here. Hopefully we can devise a plan to contain the disaster... I will keep you all informed about the situation, but please keep it between us for the time being.

I have to be off,

I'll be in touch

Love Curtis

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

I'm back!

Hi Pals,

Wow! Cannot believe seven months have passed since my last blog post. Has it really been that long? I have so much to tell you I have no idea where to start! Let's give it a try...

So, best start with the main event I guess. My human finally gave in and agreed to marry my other human.  Yes! She who must be obeyed finally did it, she locked my human under lock and key and he is finally hers for the rest of his life. Poor boy! And he doesn't know what hit him. He is still happy about it. She must be drugging him or something. Either that, or he still hasn't realized what he has let himself into. I'm sure she will take away his family jewels now he officially belongs to her, just like she did with me!

Anyway, apparently, when a human locks another human up, they throw a huge party for all their friends. Not sure why, perhaps it is to celebrate the last few days of intact family jewels. During this party they have a huge cake, and you will never guess whom they put at the very top of the cake? ME! Yes... Moi .... Io ... Ich! They made a little statue of me wearing a tuxedo together with one of the models I used to date, a gorgeous blue girl. Oh I couldn't be more proud. They chose me to be on top of their wedding cake. That's not it pals, they also took Paige & myself to tour Europe. That's where the trouble started. Somehow an intruder managed to wiggle his way into our family. I really don't believe my humans. Paige found some foreign boyfriend, apparently he's Dutch but lives in Belgium, and he has moved in with us. Can you believe it? She only three years old and my humans let her boyfriend move in? I mean really!!! I tried to warn them but it was useless, they were too blinded by his looks. I just hope he doesn't mess up and get her pregnant.

Anyway back to our adventure around Europe we went to loads of places, swam in the Adriatic sea, tracked through the woods and even went to some shows. Paige apparently added a couple of more titles since my last blog including one during this trip, she is now a Multi champion. Can you believe it? My bug is a multi beauty champion? Cannot say I'm not proud of her, even though she can be a real b*tch at times.  My human says she is going to have a much deserved break from the show ring now, not sure why. Oh and I forgot to tell you, my human said I have a title too 'Heart Champion'. Not sure how I got it or what I did to win it but I am so proud of this title!

Anyway I have to go. I think I heard my humans car. Got to run... Bye!

Love Curtis

Friday, January 27, 2012

My Christmas Holidays

Hello Pals,

Hope you had a wonderful Christmas and Happy New Year. We certainly did. Santa Paws (Yes he changed his name from Santa Claws!), left us each a stocking full of toys and treats. I'm pretty sure the treats come from the North Pole because they were delicious, much better then what the humans usually get us.

We also had a fantastic New Year's Eve Party for all our pals while the humans were out. There were about fifty of us, all drinking and eating. When everyone left, Paige & I set on the sofa drinking some of my human's finest Scotch. The problem was, I didn't wake up until I heard the key enter the lock. What a mess! The place was a pigsty... and the humans were home. How were we going to explain all this to them?! Thank doG they were too drunk to notice the mess there was when they came home, and went straight to bed. Phewwww! That gave the bug and I some more time to clean up, but it certainly was a very close call! We need to be more careful next time!

Can you keep a secret? Think the Bug and I are going to become very famous soon. We discovered BLACK SNOW. We have a sample of it here at home hidden under the human's bed and we are running some tests on it. We hope to go back to were we found it some time soon so we can get more, as well as observe it in its natural environment. We discovered it by chance really. We were out on one of our walks with the humans and Paige ran down to the beach, and there was tones of it, we were jumping and playing in it. It's not as cold as white snow, and it doesn't turn yellow when you pee in it but it's as bouncy as white snow, and your feet sink through it. I've attached a picture of it, please keep it between us as we are still experimenting with it to learn more about its properties.

Pals, I have to be off, I just spotted my human's car outside. She's back from shopping, and I don't want her to find me here. I 'll try to post soon, it's a nightmare to find a free laptop these days, the humans seem to be working on them every day. I need to get my own... any sponsors? Part exchange with the neighbour's cat is also considered.

I'm off pals,

Speak soon

Love Curtis