Friday, December 25, 2009

The man in the Red Suite... and Other stuff

Geeze Pals, I am sooooooooo exhausted this week. I mean all this stuff has happened and I really don't have a clue from where to start. Hence the late entry this week!

The bug had her first flying lesson this week. I tell you guys she is one fast learner. All she had to do was watch me do it a few times and she learnt in a matter of minutes. Of course one has to admit that she has one amazing teacher (me of course!)... and of course she isn't as good as me. I literally fly!

Then early this morning the man in the red suite came. I slept next to the door to catch a glimpse of him, but he either came in really slowly or he came in through some other place because I honestly didn't hear, smell or see a thing. I've talked it over with the Bug and we think he parked the raindeers in the balcony and came in through that door because we found that door ajar, but we're 100% sure it was him. He drank the milk, ate the cookies and fed the raindeers carrots we left him. There is also one puzzling thing about this guy, he doesn't leave a smell after he's been in. I'll explain.... as I'm sure this is a bit puzzling to any humans reading the blog. You see, when humans walk into a room and then leave, they leave their smell in there, and even though other humans cannot smell it, we dogs can. This is because we have super powerful noses. It is particular to every human being and no two are the same, although they can be similar depending on where they live and what they eat.  Now with this guy it is different... he did NOT leave human odor behind him. It is almost as if he was never there at all. I am sure he uses some kind of odor-masking spray so us dogs cannot track him down. The Bug agrees with me on this one too, in fact, we have come to the conclusion that this spray is probably manufactured for him in the North Pole where he comes from. Anyway, this guy in the red suite is called Santa Claus... and just like the Bug said, he got us tons of presents! He knew exactly what we wanted and in what colors.... and we didn't even have to write him a letter!  How amazing is that? I'm definitely writing him a letter next time, and well in advance too! The Bug says he will get us anything we want if we've been good enough, so that's definitely an incentive to behave!

Anyway pals, as much as I'd love to continue telling you about this week I have got to run. The humans are around and I've already been in here for too long. They'll be wondering what I'm doing next...

I'll speak to you early next week...


PS Picture 1 is of me and the bug flying... in total sync! If you look close you will see us both. The other picture is of us with the toys Santa Claus got us

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

I was wrong about the Bug

Humans are the weirdest of species. Honestly pals. I have been doing some serious research on the abuse I sustained on Torture Day and apparently, for humans, being dosed with water, covered in soap, dosed again in water and have air blown at you IS luxury! I have also read that humans, in particular the females, pay big money to go to these places called Salons and Spas to have all this done to them. I mean seriously peeps... these are insane! It seems I had gotten it all wrong... they weren't torturing me (although it felt like that!)... far from it. It was their way of PAMPERING me. Heh... and it seems I have also defamed the Bug. I suppose this calls for an apology... Even though she shouldn't be reading this blog in the first place. Any how, I will do a quick apology, and hopefully it will save me a lot of hassle in court should she decide to open a case against me: *Cough* If you are reading this Paige, I deeply apologies for passing defamatory comments about you, it wasn't my intention to harm your reputation. Sorry for saying you're a witch and that you have a master plan to conquer the humans... and the world. I promise never to call you a witch again and never ever to say something like that about you... EVER *Cough* That should settle it.

In the meantime, I am beginning to think the bug has above average intelligence. Either that or she is really a .... double ewe (W) eye (I)  tea (T) sea (C) hitch (H), and is having premonitions! I have been seeing this man in a red suite all over the place whenever we go out, just like the Bug had said. Presents have started to appear under the tree that grew in our living room too. They appear right after the humans have been out. I am not sure if they are being put there by someone or if the tree is actually growing them, but I have been guarding the door downstairs and the man in the red suite definitely isn't passing from there, so I don't think it's him that is placing them.

Very puzzling! Anyway, I am off to solve yet another mystery.

Speak soon,


P.S. No pictures this week, sorry. The humans have put the camera on one of the top shelves and I couldn't reach it

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Torture Day...

Good Morning World!

I am really worried today. I think the Bug has worked out a plan to get me out of the house... or rather to keep me in the house and torture me. Honestly guys I am being TORTURED big time, and what's worrying me is that it's not jut the Bug that is torturing me, but my humans too! I am sure it's part of a plan and the mastermind behind it is the Bug. Please don't think I'm over reacting, because I'm not!!!  Listen to what they did to me these past two days and then judge for yourself.

First, they fenced off the entire roof and play area. I was smiling at first because I was pretty sure they did it because of the Bug so she cannot jump and get away, but then yesterday they put their plan into action and I realized that it was only Part A of their plan....

... then yesterday, they moved on to Part B. They put a leash on me, and I was sooooooo happy because I thought we were going for a walk, but soon realized THEY had other plans when they took me upstairs to my play area. My human dad held me tight, while my evil human mum dosed me with water... then after that they covered me in soap!!! Can you believe it?!!! SOAP!!! That whitish, smelly, foamy stuff called soap!!! They left me like that for 10 minutes... 10 WHOLE MINUTES... and then after that they dosed me with more and more water to get the soap out. They let me run loose after that for a few minutes and I was soooooo relieved because I thought it was over, and I could just sit outside in the sun and dry even though I was still smelling of soap.  However I was wrong once again :( Far from finished... they hadn't even started yet.

They then took me to what they call 'The Grooming Room.' Even the name sounds horrible, it makes you think of something dark and gloomy. Anyway, they put me on a table and they cut my nails. ALL OF THEM. One by one, I saw them being cut and fall dead on the floor, and before I knew it, my nails were nearly half the size they were before. After that, I had to undergo 2 hours of warm and cold air being blown at me... and as if that wasn't enough... she then trimmed my coat - feet, tail and ears! Unbelievable!!! By the time all this was over I could hardly recognize myself. Of course the Bug watched and ENJOYED every second of it. In fact she didn't move from there, and laughed at me the whole time.

I cannot believe the humans would betray me like that. I'm so upset about it all. I just don't get it though. They were cuddling up to me and giving me kisses in the evening. I'm pretty sure the bug did something to them. In fact, thinking about it now, they were acting a bit strange throughout the entire operation. Maybe she spiked their drink, and they didn't know what they were doing? But then how would she have gotten the stuff to spike it in the first place? Or maybe she has mastered the science of hypnosis? Maybe she hypnotized them and they don't even have a clue about what they did to me. Perhaps she cast a spell on them, after all her official name is 'SPELLBOUND', and she is named Paige after a very powerful witch. This is scary! I think it's best if I go online and do some research on it all.

Gotta run pals, I don't have much time if I want to save my humans... and THE WORLD... from the little witch


PS. Pictures taken during the operation and after!

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

A tree in our living room

Hello Pals,

Just a quick entry today. One of the humans is at home on sick leave so I really don't have much time.

You'll never guess what grew in our living room... A 6 foot tree... and it grew while I was asleep!!! All 6 feet of it. Can you believe it?! And it has the most amazing fruit too. They grow in balls and stars of all sizes. I tried to get one but the humans told me off. So I guess we're not allowed to touch them. Can't wait till they get ripe so they start falling off. I wonder what they taste like. I'm trying to remember what the tree is called. The human told us yesterday, but I can't find the word... hmmmm.... Oh yes... A Christmas Tree... and it has lights too on it, but I think the humans put those on.

I still haven't figured out what Christmas actually is. The bug said she heard the humans say it's a feast and they will get us presents. Maybe it's the feast of the tree that grew in our living room. I still can't see why they would get us presents though, it's not like it's our birthday or anything, so I'm guessing the bug made that up. She also mentioned something about a man in a red suite living in the north coming during the night and leaving presents to all those children, puppies and dogs that have been good during the year. She said he will leave a lump of coal if someone wasn't good throughout the year. Hmmm... makes me wonder if that is true or not. To be honest I think she has a lot of imagination, however it's not worth risking... so from today onwards I'm going to be on my best behavior even at school. Not that I need to make much effort, I'm a very good boy... unlike someone I know.

Anyway pals, I got to run... I hear footsteps and pawsteps.

Speak soon